Penpal experiences

[gellibee]

I have had a number of death row and lifer penpals and mostly they have been respectful and treated me well.

But recently I got a letter from someone doing LWOP who I'd written to for the first time well over a year ago, saying he was sorry it took him so long to reply to me, but he'd been busy, and would I send him some money. I think that he needs to take some lessons from other conmen, because that kind of pathetic approach isn't likely to get him anywhere!

It goes both ways though because one of my penpals has been harrassed by some crazy would-be penpal trying to threaten and blackmail him for several months. Seems she fell in love with him from a penpal ad, and she's driving him nuts with her obsession.

I'd love to hear about other members penpal experiences.

gelli

[scotkaz]

I am sorry you have had a bad experience too.

Over the past 12 years I have written to many prisoners, probably around 30 or so. Most wrote to me because they got my address from somewhere and thought I could help them.

Almost EVERY single one of them except 3, wanted me to send them money and or sexual letters.

At the begining when I was new to this, I simply told them I did not have money to send and I chose to ignore the sexual content of their letters. Some of it pretty graphic, some of it like kids stuff depending on their age etc.

Some "respected" this by stopping writing to me. The others carried on, even sending me out pre written vouchers to send them $30 a month.

Many of them have now been executed, which I was sad about.

Richard Rossi who recently died in Arizona was someone I wrote to for almost 12 years and that man REALLY only did want a friend. He never asked for anything other than my friendship and letters. He was quite a unique man and this world is a sadder place without him.

Some inmates do only want friendship. Some do not have anyone in their life to send money etc to them but those ones generally do not take advantage of it. They are happy if someone can send $20 a month or so. Those inmates are truly grateful.

The others, the chancers as I call them will bleed women and men dry if they could.

Now I understand they are taking whatever they can and truly in their circumstances that cant be really blamed. They are only doing what the penpal allows them to do.

The best way of dealing with this is to set boundaries and stick to them. Saying up front, I can be a friend, send you letters and perhaps some print off from the internet. Or if you can send a book or magazine now and then say so. If you can send money now and then tell him you can send $10 every once in a while BUT DO NOT OFFER any of this at the begining and if a new penpal asks for money right away, alarm bells should ring.

If you cannot send money you say so. Say I am sorry but I am not in a financial position to send money. I can offer friendship and mail.

If they dont write back after that then dont take it personally. Think of the lucky escape you had instead.

I understand they need money to survive in there, thats understandale but penpals need to be aware and responsible for how they handle these situations.

[debs]

Well, we had the classic 'loony tune' from out here, experience as well. Arkie collaborated in a penpal article for me, and some woman decided to chance her arm. She sent him a letter asking him to design her a card on the computer, gave him her pager number, big green eyes, blah, blah. Arkie sent it to me, would I please write and tell her thanks, but no thanks, and best wishes. Did that, and offered her details of the League of Life, which she declined. Wanted to be my penpal instead, could I keep in touch and 'give her details of wedding, execution, etc -' - those were her words. literally like that. I was polite but told her No. She was furious - I got the letter from hell saying she hoped he'd be executed soon, and she wanted to dance on his grave - sent in an envelope with pretty little kittens on the front. Obviously didn't take too kindly to 'rejection'. We've also had someone masquerading as a friend and trying to cause trouble, and when that didn't work, they wrote into another inmate that I was leaving him for another inmate - not a chance in hell:) Once is enough:) - But this is writing into a DP prison and that little piece spreading from one wing to another - not good, so she didn't have one hell of a lot of consideration for her penpal to write that in, he would have been the one who'd have got it in the ear if Arkie was a different kind of fella, and didn't have the nonce to realise what was going on.

And the users - oh boy, there's many out there. I've been lucky cos most of my contact was through working for the LOL - not actually writing to anyone, so it never really arose, although have seen plenty of the repercussions. Some of the penpal sites dont help though, when they blatantly advertise as a 'dating' agency.

[MXB]

I wrote to a woman doing life who wrote back and asked me if I'd be prepared to marry her. When I said thanks, but no thanks, she then said well okay, if I was gay her brother, ( who's also doing a lot of time), might be interested. Turned out to be virtually impossible to get through to her that although I am not gay, I nevertheless did not want a wife whom I barely knew, and who was never going to be released from prison. She wrote back and told me that I was too choosy!

malc

[Karen]

ROFLMAO Malc:) The amount of wedding proposals I have had too is amazing

[carolinem]

Yes Reese has had more than his share of 'looney tunes' too, some who have persistently hung on disrespecting him, me and everything else.

Personally I just cannot see why a woman would want a man who is both married and on death row, as those of us who do have our husbands there can tell you, it's a very difficult and stressful life we lead. But for someone foolish enough to want to live as we do, then why not choose a man who is not already married or involved with someone else?

Many penpals do however provide a healthy outlet for inmates, offering genuine friendship, compassion and concern, which for men who have frequently been forgotten by most people on the outside that can mean a great deal.

Both Reese and I are grateful to his longterm penpal Carl, and to his more recent friends from NY, for all they have done for him.

Caroline M