Do you have a penpal on Death Row?

[kimbylee]

Do you have a Death Row penpal, or have you ever written to an inmate on the row or doing life?

Kimbylee

[debs]

Hi Kimbylee

Yes, my husband was on Death Row when we first met. He's likely to be heading back there (for a while) sometime in the next couple of months. He's just recently undergone a FIFTH trial and looks to be set for a sixth. Reversible errors were made at trial.

I used to work for a penpal organisation called the 'League of Life' which is now gone. Disbanded about two years ago now, my old boss had been dealing with prisoners for about twenty five years and decided he'd had enough. I didn't have a great deal to do with the prisoners, my job was more to do with finding penpals, helping folks out with certain issues, and helping out research assistants. Interesting work.

We were married in the prison, on 6th September, 2002. I don't know if this is of any interest, sorry it's a bit long, but this is something that's on a website about the day.



A MISSOURI WEDDING
On the 6th September 2002 at 2pm, in Potosi Correctional Center, my fiance penpal and I (finally!) legally became Man and Wife. It was not the first time for either of us - but I can truthfully say that it was the most meaningful. When you enter into a marriage in these circumstances you have to be very sure of your commitment to each other - a Prison Marriage undertaken otherwise will usually not last. We intend to stay the distance.
The service was conducted by the local Catholic Chaplain, Father George Galovich. Father George conducts services at St James Catholic Church in Potosi and the mass in PCC on occasions. He's an extremely pleasant man with a wonderful sense of humour which he brought forward into our wedding. When he asked two of our guests, Dennis Skillicorn and Jerry Lee Mitchell "are you friends of the groom?" and they asserted yes they were - his instant comeback was "Well, I sure feel sorry for you!" Very encouraging!Other guests were Lucy Engelbrecht and Donna Potts - long-standing friends of the groom for over twenty years and people who he now classes as family. My eight year old son - who was highly excited by the whole event (and didn't we all know it) and Arkie's lawyer, Elizabeth. A wonderful lady who flew down from Kansas City for the wedding and took me up to the prison for the wedding which really helped alleviate those pre-wedding nerves. Pre-wedding nerves in these circumstances take on a whole new meaning because of the planning involved and if you've forgotten something - usual rules apply. Once you leave the visiting room that visit is terminated so if you've forgotten something - tough. So whatever you do don't forget your camera - and especially not the rings.The service was conducted in the No Contact Visiting Room - there were three marriages being conducted that day, so you're all in the Visiting Room at the same time. This wasn't a problem because the other two brides were friends from a previous visit and obviously the grooms all knew each other. You're allowed a bouquet but no wire - this in itself is a challenge because it means that if you choose to have a silk bouquet (which had to be the case because of the travelling involved) - it has to be done with the wire stems removed and put together with heat-applied glue by the florist. Luckily our Florist took it as a challenge and produced a beautiful oasis which has pride of place in my bedroom and is the first thing I see upon waking in the morning - but one of the other brides, Teresa, had a bouquet which was truly a work of art. It had been made in PCC and was put together from scented toilet paper. The outer petals had been coloured by hand and it was bound together with tape - that bouquet had been made by someone with a great deal of patience and consideration. That simple bouquet touched everyone who saw it - even the female guards were enchanted by it.You're allowed to take in a 35mm camera and two films - this all has to be arranged by prior permission well in advance. This is where I slipped up because I only took in one film even thought I'd bought two - those pre-wedding nerves caused me to forget to pick the other one up from the desk in the motel room. Thankfully all those photos came out well and we also had them placed on disc so they could be distributed via PC to everyone when they were developed. I've pulled them up twice just while I'm sitting here typing this letter! But here's a sad fact - unless policy is changed Arkie and any other Grooms may never get to see those photos. In June of this year rules were brought in that stated Inmates may not receive photos of any inmates - including themselves. As you cannot take photos in for viewing on a normal visit this leaves no legitimate way for the photos to be seen by the Groom. Several of us are querying MO DOC on this issue because it can affect situations other than weddings so if anybody else has any possibility of encountering this problem the lady we're dealing with at MO DOC is Lisa Jones.The hardest part was leaving Arkie behind after the wedding. His wing had a Food Visit scheduled that day and originally we were all planning to go straight into that after the wedding, but he was given a write-up several weeks prior to the wedding for talking to someone inside a cell when he was out on the wing. He appealed on the grounds that it was our wedding day but was refused. But the guards on duty that day were very fair. We had expected fifteen minutes for the wedding and then having to leave immediately after the wedding - as it was they allowed us the extra time until the food visit was due and even took a fair percentage of the wedding photos. But it's very painful to walk out those harsh metal doors and leave your husband standing inside. I was fortunate enough to leave and go for something to eat with Elizabeth directly afterwards before she returned to Kansas City - all Arkie had to go back to was his cell.The Food Visit terminated at 8pm that night so I couldn't go in to PCC until the following morning. Our Wedding night - we spent on the phone to each other. And the normal No Touch rules apply even on your wedding day - there have been instances of couples forgetting and touching each other on their wedding day - and consequently receiving a Termination of Visit as a wedding gift.There's a lot of planning involved so for anyone who's contemplating taking the same step - be prepared! Licences have to be obtained from the local Courthouse - you can complete your part then but your partner's has to be taken up by the Courthouse on a PCC Law Day. There's no set time frame for this either. The Court House had told me that it could take up to three months - as it was, four days after I returned from the previous visit and had filed the forms, I had an email saying Arkie had already had the forms and they'd been returned to Washington County courthouse. You have six months after the return of his form and it's being filed to marry, or you have to go through the whole procedure again. You have to find your own officiary to conduct the ceremony and give sixty days notice. This is after permission being given for the marriage to go ahead. You're allowed six guests - two inmates and four outsiders. Arkie had to apply for a Special Visit for Elizabeth as she's his lawyer and not on his regular visiting list. She was not allowed to be placed on his visiting list because of having other clients in the same prison. The outsiders all have to be on the visiting list and approved prior to the marriage.It was complicated - but well worth the wait. I had been absolutely nerve-wracked - especially on account of my son. Those worries were totally dispelled within minutes. PCC staff were wonderful and Arkie proved to have a lot more patience with my son than I normally have! My son has a hyperactivity problem (ADHD) - in a classroom he can be a nightmare unless distracted. He now has a card game that can absorb him because it requires basic maths and working out - and he learnt it in PCC. I had never seen the game before - it's called Pyramid Patience and once Arkie had taught him the game he was absorbed for hours determined to clear those decks.We also attended a 4-H meeting as we are now officially recognised as Arkie's family. That was an interesting experience - lots of communication and interaction between the families. 4-H is very valid as it encourages family communication and ties. A Marriage Seminar Program is being pursued at the moment and hopefully one day Trailer Visits, as they have in some other states. These would mean that the families could actually have an overnight stay with their fathers and husbands inside the PCC compound in donated trailers. But at the moment this is just in the planning stage as there are a lot of issues to be addressed.Now we just settle down to the best of our abilities and circumstances as Mr and Mrs Barton. The next major item on our Agenda is in the first quarter of next year when Arkie has a new hearing to see whether his case goes back to trial. His last appeal was successful and he now stands as Reversed and Remanded. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

[MXB]

Hey Debs, thanks for sharing this with us. Best wishes to you, Arkie and your son for the future.

MXB

[pebbles]

Hey Debs... thanks for sharing that... I wish you guys all the best.
In answer to the question... I write 3 guys on DR and one young man who is serving a LWOP sentence. In the many years I have been writing DR guys I have been through the worst of times and the best of times... it is quite the emotional roller coaster. And through it all I have met some of the most remarkable people and their families and many anti DP campaigners.

[debs]

Hi Pebbles, Malc

Thanks. Pebbles, I know exactly what you mean, so have I. One of the most moving experiences I ever had was attending a Vigil for a guy who was in Arkie's prison, and also another client of his lawyer. It was the first time I'd cried properly in about fifteen years I think, and it was the fact that there was a young lad there, he was ten years old, and he has some real health issues. No immune system, always poorly, and this was his second vigil. He chose to attend, bless him. Seeing him standing there with that candle in his hand, cannot begin to describe how that felt. Have met some amazing people along the line. Paula Skillicorn, who's now married to Dennis Skillicorn from Mo Death Row - is another one. She was originally a hard-bitten PRO-DP and crime journalist who's gone full circle. Arkie says Paula in battle mode is a far more scary prospect than anything PCC can throw at him:)

But three, and the LWOP? Pebbles, you really have some stamina:)

[kimbylee]

Thanks for your replies, they are great reading ad very informative.

I am currently writing to three men on the Row and four Lifers. I've had other penpals on the Row over the past few years, sadly some have been executed, and with others, for a variety of reasons the correspondence didn't continue. As yet I've only met a couple of my penpals, but I hope to meet the others in the future.

I have learnt a great deal through corresponding with my penpals, and having contact with other people involved with anti DP groups, etc.

Kimmy

[khadijahmalik]

I write to my father who is a innocent man in Youngstown.

from Khadi Malik

[yangarra]

I have three male penpals on death row, and one female who was on the row but is now doing LWOP.

[khadijahmalik]

What does LWOP mean?

from Khadijah Malik

[robbo]

Yes in Florida.

LWOP means doing life without possibility of parole Kadijah

Robbo